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 I'm torn and any advice would be great......

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heeb101
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PostSubject: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 1:41 am

Ok so I have moved out of Billings to be with my girlfriend in Chicago. I had a job lined up with T-Mobile and my referral fell through and I didn't get the job. I have been applying all over for almost 5 weeks now and I haven't heard a thing back. Most are online apps so I can't follow up either. Money is going to start to get tight for both of us real soon until I can find a job. My house is on the market in Billings but I still have to pay for it until sells and I still have to pay for the STi.

Cellular Connection says I can get my job back in MT with the same pay and I will be at the 24th street store so I will have more sales opportunities which means more money. Part of me want s to take responsibility and go back so I can take care of my house until it sells and get caught up on my car and try to get ahead, but it hurts my heart thinking I am going to have to leave the love of my life.

I want to stay and bite the bullet and just keep trying to find something in Chicago so I can be with her. She has been crying everyday since we have discussed me maybe having to go back to MT to get some finances in order. It just kills me to see her cry, it is my weakness to see her sad. I have never loved someone so much and felt it in return like I do with her. She is my everything and going back and trying the long distance again scares me to death.

So I am torn. Money comes and goes but love is hard to find but when you do find it you can't let it go. I think I will be miserable if I come back because I won't be able to see her, kiss her, or even hold her; but I feel that if continue to be unemployed it will cause more stress between us and possibly drive us apart. So my question is what should I do because I am lost............FML No
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billythekid
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 1:51 am

i would say come back and work here, and keep applying to stuff out there, then move back when you have something solid out there.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 1:58 am

i say come back. work and get all the bills paid off. then after all that you don't need to worry about things like selling the house and money. then you can spend the rest of your life with her
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:16 am

hate to say it brandon but without workin shit is gonna just not work . get ur finaces in order then head back when u get a job there.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:34 am

It's a much more responsible choice to come back here where you already have a job lined up for you where there all you can do is sit in your chair and hope for them to contact you. Out there, you're losing precious time and money while you wait to get a call back on a "not so sure" job. But really you gotta do what you think needs to be done.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:37 am

Here is the post that you don't want to see, but you know you made this thread so you COULD see it, otherwise you wouldn't have made the thread....
LEAVE HER THERE AND COME BACK!
Here is a list of questions for you to ask yourself -

1. Are you married to her?
2. Are there other girls in the world?


You said money comes and goes but love is hard to find?
Not really. And lets face it, if it was meant to be, she will still be there when you get your s**t together and figure out what is going on. You may not want to hear it, and you may not like me for saying it, but you really need to pull yourself together man. You need a quick slap of reality. It seems like there is always some sort of drama going on in your life, and not to be a douchbag, which I KNOW I sound like right now, but you need to get rid of EVERYTHING and focus on YOURSELF, and FAST.
Get rid of the car if you have to, drop the girl, do whatever you need to with the house, get out of debt.
If you aren't happy with yourself (which you obviously aren't if you are only happy when you are with this girl) then not only are you not fufilling YOUR life to the fullest, but you are hurting her by NEEDing her.
Take it how you will, but the best and only advice I can give is watch out for numero uno. No one wants to be with someone who has a garbage credit score, crappy apartment, cars getting repo'd left and right, no job, and hates their life, which is the only direction I see this going as of right now.

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heeb101
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:56 am

Well Montoya I came out here because the job offer was better then my current job at the time but I have learned real fast that nobody gives a rats ass about you in the big city. It is a dog eat dog world out here and you have to make it or you will get chewed up and spit out with the rest of the garbage.

I have been making better decisions and that is why I don't have two car payments or a quad payment. I sold the quad before I left and set aside some money for savings for the move but it was been close to 5 weeks since I got here and I haven't heard anything.

All I have to pay for right now is my car and my house. Her parents are paying our rent in Chicago so that relieves some stress but the job market is shit out here.

All I can say about my situation with the girl is when you know she the one YOU KNOW and that is why it is hard.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:57 am

RedMitsu wrote:

lets face it, if it was meant to be, she will still be there when you get your s**t together and figure out what is going on.

I was gonna say it then forgot and yes if your girl refuses to wait for you while you put the pieces of your life back together then she really wasn't "the one". Nobody should need anybody as a crutch (unless your leg is broken). If you can't stand on your own 2 feet without her holding you up, always needing her around to make you smile; then you need to re-evaluate priorities and choices. Look at it this way you have a mountain in front of you and no way to dig through are you gonna climb over it and actually see progress or are you gonna try to dig through hoping for a shovel to magically show up?
I can tell you this when I was having financial issues I didn't look to my Girlfriend to cheer me up I actually told her she had to be put on the back burner while I got everything in order and that really is what needs to be happening for you. When life is really hard friends and family can help but only 5% of it the rest has to be you
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 3:06 am

Well if I had to come back it would be to sell my house and work two jobs to get as much money as I can. The STi will be stored so I can save insurance and put that in savings. I am going to lower the price on my house to the bank payoff plus the realtor commission so it will sell faster hopefully.

I can be happy with or without her but I love her. I moved to be with her and because I had $50,000 a year sales job compared to my $30,000 a year sales job in MT so it seemed like the best choice for more money and to not be in a long distance relationship anymore. I had a HR referral and everything. Oh well what do you do I guess.......
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 8:18 am

one piece of advise tha i would give to all right now. "if you have a job keep it; you will never know how the new one will pan out, or if you will get laid off in 3 months time". move back to billings man, you may not like it, but it is prolly the best thing you can do right now. you have a home here and a job.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 9:46 am

My thoughts. Your first mistake was allowing this situation to happen in the first place. You should never have moved anywhere without having a nest egg saved up to help pay the bills for a while in case something comes up. Moving with nothing in your pocket is a half assed thing. Things didn't get work and now you're screwed. Had you kept a little in the bank it wouldn't be such a dire situation. If it was hard to save up anything before you left - then you shouldn't have left.

The best way to solve the situation is this. If you can't find any financial help or a job. If you have something to come back to here. Do so. If she loves you she will wait for you. Get your finances in order then move back out there with a job lined up again and a little cash in the bank. Take a second job if you have to in order to do this.

If you want something bad enough you can make it happen. It's kinda like losing weight. You gotta want it or it's not ever gonna happen.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 10:37 am

Just because all of your job applications are online doesn't mean you can't follow up. Call the HR department of every place you applied and be persistent. That could get you in. It can't hurt to try before you decide you have to come back here.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 12:19 pm

^

Sound advice. I've landed jobs in the past because I called and didn't just wait for them to get back to me. There is a fine line there where it becomes pushy so you need to be tactful about it. But it can help to keep your name and your face in their minds when they are making a decision on who gets the job.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 2:08 pm

If she loves you and wants to be with you as much as you love her and want to be with her she will wait for you to get financially situated. Long distance sucks, but it might be something you just have to work through for awhile. If you can't find a job out there my advice would be to move back to Billings at least until your house sells so you can work. Keep looking for jobs out there and move back when it's financially sensible.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 3:16 pm

Plain and simple, organize your plate and get situated before you burn the entire bridge down! Best advice to give:

You'll love Dave Ramsey in the end! Wink
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 4:15 pm

I think deep down, you know the right thing to do.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 5:09 pm

So I have been following up and applying everywhere all day today. I finally got an interview on Thursday in Chicago for a sales job for a retail company.

So I am starting to see some headway. I am going to give it a bit longer here and keep pounding the pavement and following up with other places I have applied.

If I can't get anything by July 10th I will head back to MT. She is in a wedding that weekend so it would more sense to drive from Chicago once and not twice. We still have quite a bit left in savings but we don't want to drain it all.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 7:31 pm

heeb101 wrote:
Well Montoya I came out here because the job offer was better then my current job at the time but I have learned real fast that nobody gives a rats ass about you in the big city. It is a dog eat dog world out here and you have to make it or you will get chewed up and spit out with the rest of the garbage.

I have been making better decisions and that is why I don't have two car payments or a quad payment. I sold the quad before I left and set aside some money for savings for the move but it was been close to 5 weeks since I got here and I haven't heard anything.

All I have to pay for right now is my car and my house. Her parents are paying our rent in Chicago so that relieves some stress but the job market is shit out here.

All I can say about my situation with the girl is when you know she the one YOU KNOW and that is why it is hard.

You should have known moving to Chicago of all places the economy is shit there. And it won't be easier as time goes on. Consider all the unemployed and bankrupt businessses and budget cuts that hit major cities. The rate of the economic collapse. The rise back will be a slow and painful one...and might ev even include another recession or depression or no recovery at all. Consider all those top dog workers you'll be competing against in the big cities that were laid off. And the college graduates every semester looking for work. You'll have to kick insane ass at your job with some $$$ number to keep the job too. Plenty of elite in the job pool they can select from. The US job market is looking patched up by temporary, seasonal, part-time, contractor, census, and other jobs. Which are not long term sustainable. The descent paying and benefit loaded jobs are gone. And not coming back anytime soon. The economic recovery has been supported by governmental federal reserve inflation (Money Supply - Print the Dollar to HELL!!!) and borrowing from China and Europe like a drunken sailor. Cost of living is still on the rise despite housing market crash. Dollar is being dumped as reserve currency by alot of places......US was surpassed by China as #1 in productivity. There is still mass layoffs occuring in the US. Bankruptcy fillings were 80% higher i think in California for 2009 than in 2008.

It will be worse overtime so I'd look long term at work.

Billings might be your best bet...it could save your ass from starving and going bankrupt. Just an honest true persective at things.

As for the lady.

There are plenty of options really. It just depends if you and your girl will stick together, move together, etc.
I don't know if she'll be just a friend, girlfriend, or wifey in the future. Only you two know that. Plenty of ladys yeah....
But everyone finds theres differently. Not everyone lives in Billings or Montana all their life and settles down with a girl here.
I found mine 10,000 miles away in the Philppines and have spent 2 years trying to get her here. I've been seperated nearly twice
for 6-12 months in our marraige when I came back for school/work and immigration papers for her.

And I'm happy. It worked out for me. My wife and child will be here in September.

will she move to Billings?
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stimutacks
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 7:39 pm

Jay Jr wrote:
Plain and simple, organize your plate and get situated before you burn the entire bridge down! Best advice to give:

You'll love Dave Ramsey in the end! Wink

I think Dave Ramsey is common sense bullshit. He gives advice to the financially retarded.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 7:42 pm

Pretty sure that all of your close friends told you that moving was a bad idea, but you did it anyway. You ask for advice and you dont listen. You pretty much threw away everything for this chick and now she is telling you to leave and come back to Billings. Might want to think about a new girlfriend.

I find it very strange that you could have fallen in love with this chick before you even met her in person, but whatever. I was not very happy to hear about how she has been treating you and that is why I never introduced myself at Frank's place (yes, I heard you trying to get my attention while I was looking at pictures), I was very pissed did not want to even give her the time of day.

You want my opinion, here you go, drop that chick and move on with your life. She takes you for a joyride on a daily basis and you let her treat you like shit. Why do you do this to yourself? You have not known her for that long, just get out! This chick is all about drama and she loves to stir up shit and when she cheated on you (the FIRST time) that should have been a RED light. Should not have kicked all your friends to the curb, but I am here to tell you what I think.

BTW, I made a bet with someone about this and it looks like I win. Who it was, I dont know.

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stimutacks
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 8:20 pm

If your lady has some serious issues to work out as I'm hearing. It won't happen overnite my friend. It will take years and a piece of you along the way. That is a promise and bet I'll make. Why?

I went through your exact situation. financially, work related, looking for love, traveling far and away (10,000 miles across the pacific ocean FAR).....

In a new place getting major culture shock. And with someone who had major growing up to do. I had some major learning to do also.

It all worked out for us in the end. My wife and me are doing good financially. My son and her will be here in September. And we worked out our insecurities, communication, family, friends, future...etc.

Did it nearly break us up? Destroy our lives? Make us depressed? Drive us crazy?

all of the above.

Distance Relationships will do just that.

My wife and me are 1 in a Million young online couples that are successful. But we sure have some painful scars and stories to tell from it.



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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 9:00 pm

I gave you my thoughts when you called last night. Pretty sure they are exactly what others have said here. Move back "home" before you lose your house & car and have nothing. You won't feel good about yourself if that happens. Pretty sure. Even if she is by your side. I'm afraid it won't work out but when you told me before that she had cheated on you....that's NOT love. IF she loved you, she wouldn't get drunk and allow herself to cheat. Drinking isn't good for any relationship! Plus it's a HUGE waste of money.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 9:07 pm

I'll agree to Jamey. She sounds like she has some good qualities obviously but lacks essentials that make a strong long-term relationship possible. My wife and me stayed together because we both had long term potential and most of ours were stupid growing pains only gained through experience only.

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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 9:18 pm

I'm sorry but if someone is going to cheat on me.... They are NOT worth my time. I've been in 2 relationships in my lifetime. First one for 10 years and my current one for 8 years. There is someone out there that will be loyal to you. With Cheating and Insecurity, there is no RELATIONSHIP!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 28th 2010, 11:26 pm

Moved some posts as the thread was getting off topic. Please keep remaining replys in the categories of advice/guidance

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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 12:05 am

Mike when she did what she did she nearly lost me. I didn't know what to do. I talked to Frank and he said since we were dating and not married I should forgive her about kissing another guy.

PIt still hurts today and I am a fucking idiot for leaving Billings but the job I was going to be doing was worth the move. I don't even know why you guys are my friends because I never listen and I make dumb decisions.

I will be honest before I met her I was a wreck. I was drinking heavily and extremely depressed due to finances and family shit. I often thought about giving up because the tunnel was dark and there was no sign of light.

I honestly think I am meant to be alone. Every girl is the same and it seems like I am always giving up everything for a girl. Now I worry that if I come back that I won't have any friends because I am a jackass.

Sorry guys I truly am. FML..........

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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 12:10 am

I just want my life back.........
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 12:34 am

Brandon. its okay. no one could have possibly seen that this was going to happen. the job oppurtunity was great and if i were in your shoes i would have done the same. no one can blame you for what has happened so you just need to move on and get yourself back in order. and your life will get back in order eventually. just give it time and make sure you make the right decision. again i'm deeply sorry for what has happened. don't give up on life. we will always be here for you Smile
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 1:50 am

i will always be your friend Smile
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 6:36 am

Nothing you've done has jeopardized your relationship with us. I'm sure everyone is still your friend. We all care about your well being and want you to be happy but you have to do what makes YOU happy. Best of the luck on the job opportunity. If you don't get it, Billings would be happy to have you back!


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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 8:22 am

BlownHD wrote:
Nothing you've done has jeopardized your relationship with us. I'm sure everyone is still your friend. We all car about your well being and want you to be happy but you have to do what makes YOU happy. Best of the luck on the job opportunity. If you don't get it, Billings would be happy to have you back!
^^
This says it all... We all know you are "quirky", but that makes you Brandon! Either way, you need to be happy.
But to be that dependent on another person for your happiness is not healthy either.
I am here if you need anything.. albino
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Riptide
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 10:09 am

[quote=doodiehead]Why do you do this to yourself?[/quote]
I'm going to guess low self-esteem.
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heeb101
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 11:37 am

Riptide wrote:
[quote=doodiehead]Why do you do this to yourself?
I'm going to guess low self-esteem.[/quote]

Thanks Owen......... so I have decided to head back to billings on Friday. I hate stressing about my house and everything else. I appreciate everyone's advise and I know in the end the decision is mine. I am thankful for great friends back home and it just makes sense to come back. If her and I are meant to be together then we will be in the end but right now I have more responsibilities to worry about. So with that said see you guys this weekend.
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fiveohhhstang
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 11:39 am

heeb101 wrote:
Mike when she did what she did she nearly lost me. I didn't know what to do. I talked to Frank and he said since we were dating and not married I should forgive her about kissing another guy.

PIt still hurts today and I am a fucking idiot for leaving Billings but the job I was going to be doing was worth the move. I don't even know why you guys are my friends because I never listen and I make dumb decisions.

I will be honest before I met her I was a wreck. I was drinking heavily and extremely depressed due to finances and family shit. I often thought about giving up because the tunnel was dark and there was no sign of light.

I honestly think I am meant to be alone. Every girl is the same and it seems like I am always giving up everything for a girl. Now I worry that if I come back that I won't have any friends because I am a jackass.

Sorry guys I truly am. FML..........


I don't know you like most of these guys do, however I have to address part of this post. Just because you weren't married does NOT give her the right to kiss or do anything else with another guy. If she can't stay faithful while you aren't married, I wouldn't expect her to stay faithful if you do get married either.

Sorry, I know that was in the past (from what I've read) however I just needed to say that. I hate it when people use the excuse "well we weren't married, so it shouldn't matter".

I hope everything works out for you with this. Don't be too hard on yourself about not listening to your friends' advice. Sometimes it takes you learning on your own to really figure things out. Keep your head up.

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stimutacks
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 11:54 am

Billings is a good place to be. You got a place, job, friends here so you're safe. I'd get out of Chicago soon.
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stimutacks
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 12:14 pm

Sounds like she was taking advantage of you. Emotionally, Physically and Financially.
If a woman like that feeds off others to feel better and secure and safe....wow.
How is she going to be when it's time to get married and have kids? Will she work hard
and help out?

I'd just wait for the right one. My sister and brother didn't find someone and marry till 30.
You need a chick that busts ass, works, has some ambition in life and is responsible. Forget looking
for a hot chick. When they're 75 none of that matters.

I actually personally think most models when they turn 70 look really nasty.

I've only met you a few times but it seemed you got a good group of friends here that care.
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Riptide
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 1:04 pm

Welcome Back Heebenator
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heeb101
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 2:14 pm

Thanks buddy!!!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 2:25 pm

Well you've already heard my advice in person. But I feel this is the final straw on the girlfriend decision....

She HATES your STI!...... ENOUGH SAID!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 3:53 pm

kill her!!....... seems like that would solve a lot of problems. You could then have a free place to stay in jail and wouldn't need to worry about a car...... well and the girlfriend thing would solve it's self, just drop the soap!


Sorry, thought I would lighten the mood.
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stimutacks
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 3:59 pm

plenty of lovin in jail. Twisted Evil
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AZ93
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 5:22 pm

what she hates your sti thats horrible. move back so i cant find a good deal on phone service. haha im just messin with you do what will make you happy.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 9:27 pm

Glad to see you have come to your senses. You need to cut yourself off from her permanently, then you will be able to move on.

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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 29th 2010, 9:54 pm

b1r - TS wrote:
kill her!!....... seems like that would solve a lot of problems. You could then have a free place to stay in jail and wouldn't need to worry about a car...... well and the girlfriend thing would solve it's self, just drop the soap!


Sorry, thought I would lighten the mood.
haha ive been to jail and there isnt any love there... sex and love are not the same!!!
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PostSubject: Re: I'm torn and any advice would be great......   June 30th 2010, 12:10 am

f20bmt wrote:
b1r - TS wrote:
kill her!!....... seems like that would solve a lot of problems. You could then have a free place to stay in jail and wouldn't need to worry about a car...... well and the girlfriend thing would solve it's self, just drop the soap!


Sorry, thought I would lighten the mood.
haha ive been to jail and there isnt any love there... sex and love are not the same!!!

liar.... I tell all the girls that sex = love. Stop spreading lies!
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